Their Stories, Our History: Questions to Ask a Veteran (and What to Avoid)

Behind every veteran is a story — not just of war and wounds but of service and sacrifice.

Listening to these stories is more than an act of respect. Opening our ears to these experiences helps teach us how to build resilience, lead with integrity, and face adversity with courage. Beyond the personal lessons, these stories help raise awareness of the challenges faced by wounded, injured, or ill warriors and their families. But raising awareness is only the first step. Meaningful dialogue is what turns awareness into understanding.

That dialogue can feel intimidating for some. People often worry about what to ask a veteran about their service or fear saying the wrong thing. However, the truth is, thoughtful conversation can bring healing, recognition, and connection.

Here are some suggestions to help you start a meaningful conversation and create a space where a veteran feels comfortable sharing their story.

Starting the Conversation 

Veterans come from all walks of life and have different experiences, so some topics may feel more comfortable than others. When you’re starting these conversations, keep things simple. You might kick off with questions like:

• What branch were you in?
• What was your role in the military?
• What made you decide to serve?

Army veteran Danielle Green, for example, appreciates when people ask why she chose to enlist after graduating from college. For her, it’s less about the details and more about how her service shaped who she is today. Fellow Army veteran Jake Norotsky believes the key to these conversations is trust. He suggests not rushing to uncover every detail at once. Building trust takes time. Just showing you care can open the door to deeper conversations.

What to Ask a Veteran 

Here are some other good questions to ask a veteran that can help open the lines of communication:

• What did you learn during your time in the military?
• What do you miss most about serving?
• What was your proudest moment while serving?
• Did you have a nickname in the military?
• What’s one thing about military life that surprised you?
• How did your service shape what you do today?
• What was it like coming home?
• What do you wish more people understood about veterans or military life?

How can I support veterans in my community?

For businesses interested in supporting veterans, some questions to ask may be:

• How can my company get more involved?
• How can my company better support training and hiring veterans?

Veterans also realize that talking to children about their experiences may require a different approach than talking to adults.

Active listening is often more impactful than a long list of questions. The conversation can flow from there.

Dr. Tyshawn Jenkins, an Air Force veteran and WWP™ spokesperson, said some of the best questions from kids are, “What was your job in the military?” and “Did you help people?”

“With children, you can’t control what they will ask, so I politely guide them in the right direction,” he said. “With adults, the conversation can delve deeper, but sensitivity remains key. Active listening is often more impactful than a long list of questions. The conversation can flow from there.”

What NOT to Ask a Veteran

When talking with a veteran, stay away from questions that may trigger trauma or personal hardship. Here are some questions you should avoid unless you have permission to discuss them:

• Did you shoot or kill anyone? This is intrusive and can be deeply traumatizing for a veteran.
• Do you have PTSD? Mental health is personal. Let the veteran decide whether to bring up this topic. It’s also important to avoid assumptions that a veteran has post-traumatic stress disorder or any other mental health challenges. “Don't assume that I am in a bad place mentally because my arm is missing,” Danielle said.
• Do you have any regrets, or do you regret serving? Even if their experiences were difficult, a veteran’s decision to join the military is often based on values like duty, sacrifice, and serving others. Questioning this decision can feel judgmental.
• What was the worst thing that happened to you? This can bring up difficult memories and flashbacks. Instead, ask about their favorite or most memorable experience. Allow them to share fond memories of their time in the service, such as the bonds they built with fellow service members.
• How did you get that injury/scar/missing limb/etc.? Curiosity is natural, but phrasing matters. For example, asking ‘How does your prosthetic arm work?’ is less intrusive than asking how the injury happened.

Helping Young People Connect with Veterans

Honor Their Courage is an education and fundraising initiative created by WWP for schools and educators across the country. The program helps younger generations understand the realities of military service while raising funds to support the life-changing programs and services WWP offers.

To build generational connection, students are encouraged to interview veterans in their lives and communities.

Some of the tips suggested for students include:

• Get personal. Try to make the interview as interactive as possible. Whether in person or through a video chat, you’ll benefit from seeing your interviewee face-to-face.
• Be creative. It is OK to go “off script.” Some of the best stories come up naturally in an interview.
• Express appreciation. Be sure to say “thank you” to the interviewee, both for agreeing to the interview and for serving our country.

Students in the Honor Their Courage program also hear from wounded warriors and caregivers through videos and sometimes in person about their experiences during and after military service.

Honor Their Courage FAQs

A Living History: Veterans and the American Story

As America approaches its 250th birthday, it's a moment for celebration and reflection. Listening to veterans’ stories is a powerful way to connect with our nation’s history. Their voices are not relics of the past; they are living history.

Opening up the lines of communication with veterans in your family and community gives you a greater understanding of their sacrifice. It also allows them the chance to process their experiences and know their service hasn’t been forgotten.

“We ask questions of people because they’re different from us, and we are curious about their unfathomable life experiences. It’s the human way of trying to make sense of something we don’t understand about the world,” Jake said. “I promise you, if you get to know the person, the story will begin to trickle out. Who knows, you might find out that you have more in common than you ever imagined.”

Find out how WWP keeps warriors connected.

Contact: — Paris Moulden, Public Relations, pmoulden@woundedwarriorproject.org, 904.570.7910

About Wounded Warrior Project 

Wounded Warrior Project is our nation’s leading veteran services organization, focused on the total well-being of post-9/11 wounded, ill, or injured veterans. Our programs, advocacy, and awareness efforts help warriors thrive, provide essential lifelines to families and caregivers, and prevent veteran suicides. Learn more about Wounded Warrior Project.