Financial Planning for Couples: Make Date Night a Money Talk
If you and your partner created a financial vision board, would your wants and needs align? If they didn’t, would you feel comfortable talking about why?
The purpose of a financial date night is to get comfortable talking about finances with a spouse or partner. It can help ease the tension around finances while providing opportunities to connect and strengthen relationships.
Wounded Warrior Project® (WWP) empowers warriors and their families to become more confident and in control of their finances through counseling, planning resources, and other financial management tools. To expand the tools for better money management, WWP’s Financial Readiness team developed “financial date nights” to help warrior couples improve their communication, manage their budget, and strengthen their financial confidence.
“It was great because you actually get to hear what your partner is feeling about your finances and get to see how other couples deal with certain situations regarding their finances,” said Rita Mosely, who attended a financial date night event in San Antonio with her husband, Army veteran Broderick Mosely.
Connecting and Communicating
The goal of the financial date nights is to bring together six to seven couples for an enjoyable dinner with activities designed to teach techniques for discussing and planning finances.
“It's not a typical financial workshop. It's talking about how to open up conversations and maybe putting up some guard rails around those conversations, so they don't become arguments and then create problems,” said Deborah Holmes, WWP Financial Readiness manager.
Talking about finances should be just a part of the financial date night to help plan for the future and align goals.
A 2024 study showed that 45% of respondents reported arguing about money, and nearly 1 in 4 couples say money is their greatest relationship challenge. The study also revealed that the biggest issues with communication around money were regarding retirement savings, investments, and family savings goals. Financial date nights can give couples the tools to navigate those conversations.
“These date nights are really meant to start having those short conversations and focusing more on the things [couples] have in common than what each individual's intention is,” Deb said. “What we find is that most couples actually have more in common financially than they think they do; it's just that they express it in different ways.”
Deb shared a story of a couple discussing how to spend extra money. The husband wanted a boat, while the wife wanted a family vacation. She was hurt, thinking he preferred being alone. However, after talking more, the husband explained he felt a boat would help them spend more time together, away from distractions. They realized they wanted the same thing but had different ideas about achieving it.
“They just had a different idea of how to do it and had never just asked each other, ‘Why do you want to do that?’” Deb said. “The intention of a financial date night is not to be judgmental of each other and ask questions.”
Tips for a Successful Financial Date Night
- Give each person an equal amount of time to speak.
- Tell each other what's important to you or what you want to see for your future.
- Select a topic beforehand to maintain focus, such as working on a budget, planning for retirement, or what to do with extra money.
- Set a time limit for how long you intend to talk about finances, so it doesn’t become too frustrating and isn’t the sole focus of the date.
“The financial date night shouldn't be the entirety of the date,” Deb said. “It's meant to be dinner conversation, or, if part of their date night is cooking together, then discuss it through the preparation, and then that's it. Put it to rest and continue with the rest of the evening.”
Planning for the Future — Together
In addition to spending time together for “date night,” couples can also align their future goals and what matters most to them.
Rita said she and Broderick don’t have an issue discussing finances, but when they saw the opportunity to attend the financial date night, they were eager to see what they could learn. Rita said one of the highlights for her was the concept of a “rainy-day” bank, which encourages saving for unplanned expenses.
“I actually still have it. We still put money in there,” Rita said. “It’s such a great idea.”
Discussing finances isn't just about managing money — it's about managing the future together. Talking about money before problems arise can help reduce financial stress and being open and transparent about finances can improve trust in a relationship.
“I think everybody has their own goals financially, even if they’re a couple,” Rita said. “You can each set something aside, but you should meet in the middle. It’s fine to want your own finances, but you don’t want to make your partner feel left out.”
Being able to talk about finances and share future goals can strengthen a couple's relationship.
The Need for Financial Education
Veterans and service members can have unique challenges and obstacles when it comes to financial wellness, such as dealing with physical or mental wounds, living on disability income, or changes in income after leaving the service.
The most recent Warrior Survey* shows many warriors face financial challenges. More than 4 in 6 WWP warriors (67%) reported that at some point in the last 12 months, they did not have enough money to make ends meet. The survey also revealed that nearly 93% of WWP warriors have outstanding debt other than their mortgage. Of those, 75% said their debts were either somewhat or very unmanageable.
WWP program and services can help warriors and their families manage debt and improve their financial footing.
“Often, people think budgets are all about the things they can’t have, and they may feel like they don’t have control over their own finances,” Deb said. “In reality, budgets actually give you more control over your money.”
Managing finances effectively can also reduce stress and anxiety and improve overall well-being. Deb said sometimes it just comes down to being educated about finances and spending and communicating about money, lessons schools rarely teach.
“What we’re hoping to accomplish, and what we're hoping to teach warriors, and their family support members is to be able to look at finances from a healthier perspective,” she said. “We provide a supportive environment, and we want to let warriors know we're here to support and help them through it.”
WWP’s programs and services can help provide financial education and ensure veterans and their loved ones don’t feel alone navigating their finances and other challenges that may arise.
“Use the resources that are available,” Rita said. “If the Resource Center can’t help you themselves, they’ll find someone who can.”
Find out how WWP helps warriors and their families thrive.
*Warrior Survey, Wave 3 (conducted May 25-Aug.1, 2023)
Contact: — Paris Moulden, Public Relations, pmoulden@woundedwarriorproject.org, 904.570.7910
About Wounded Warrior Project
Since 2003, Wounded Warrior Project® (WWP) has been meeting the growing needs of warriors, their families, and caregivers — helping them achieve their highest ambition. Learn more about Wounded Warrior Project.
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